well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
