I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
