Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
