when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
