the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
