her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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