ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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