Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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