So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
