farters have to be the big spoon...
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
