apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
