Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Randomize
