where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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