So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she smelled like a LAN party
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
