i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
