Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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