rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
