So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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