I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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