drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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