you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
