I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
