Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
