Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
