I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
