yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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