how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
