she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
