Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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