So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
