Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
