He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My vagina is officially offended.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
