She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
