If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
