was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
