Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
