probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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