Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
