I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
