Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
