Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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