Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
