I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
