i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
