shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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