eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
