her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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