i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
