she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
