Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
