Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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