I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
