I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So here I am, sexting at work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
